Weeks 11/12

I missed out on blogging the past week because it’s been truly a blur. Week 11 started off on a weird note when my dude had an emergency appendectomy. Next thing I knew I was back at work, and mentally drained.

Iris is growing at such a crazy rate though, and I can’t wait to share my experiences with her the past two weeks!

“WTF is that?!”

During week 11 Iris became very aware of her body and her surroundings. She’s become quite the wiggle worm since this happened, and suddenly she’s much more affectionate and interested in her toys!

I literally cannot handle how beautiful she is in this picture.

She has a fox security blanket that she loves holding and talking to. We’ve also picked up a few more toys like rattles, and that Baby Eisenstein soother that literally everyone has. I know you all know what I mean it’s that one with the ocean sounds.

Another “WTF is this” moment

These toys really seem to help with tummy time a bit more. I think it also helps that daycare puts her in tummy time with no fear so she’s getting just slightly better at this whole thing. Oddly enough though, I think she might sit up before she does anything else because she’s been trying whenever I have her on the Boppy. I’m not really sure what’s normal all of my mom apps say crawling is first, but I dunno I have this weird feeling she might skip that because she’s just never thrilled about it.

“Not again, mom….”

Daycare has been going well it seems. I thought she’d get sick the first week, but she’s been fine. To be fair she is doing half and half as they didn’t have room for her full time yet. So, she is there three days a week and with her grandmother the other two days. I think this is a really nice way to ease her into the program.

11 week postpartum work selfie

How am I doing returning to work? Better than I ever thought. Work has actually been super accommodating for me. I get two half hour pump breaks and one half hour lunch. These breaks truly help me mentally get away from the stress. It also just feels nice to be making money. There’s a ton of stuff I wanna spoil my little one with, and I haven’t really gotten the chance to yet. Look forward to a first paycheck haul blog with all of the goodies I get. I’m still weighing less than I was before I got pregnant so I am super happy, but I find maintaining the weight or even losing it is a struggle. I need to get more active.

My postpartum depression is gone, or it feels like it. Might just be the meds. Either way I am VERY glad I sought out help because I know these past two weeks would have been nuts. Seriously, never be ashamed. Being a mom is hard. Being a working mom is even more difficult. Do what you need to.

All of this is straight from the boob!

I can happily say I am reaching my daily goal of 6-8oz of breast milk a day. I’m sad I can’t exclusively breastfeed, but it’s crazy to see how much Reglan and Fenugreek work! I feel like it did take a full two weeks to see the progress though. Everyone’s bodies are different, but if you struggle with low supply give them a try. I’ve been sipping on Mother’s Milk Tea during the day at work too and that seems to give me a bit of a boost.

 

Iris 11 weeks: October 1st, 2017.

All and all I think she’s a very happy baby. Last night I got the best present ever while tickling her: her first laugh. I am currently still a pile of goo over it and I’m so excited for her to laugh more because she has the most adorable laugh ever! I think that was the nice cherry on the top of the tough week returning to work. Sometimes when I feel very down I think about these types of things to pick me up.

Obviously she is super cool.

It’s weird to know I’m not her main caretaker anymore, but it’s so sweet to see no matter what she’s so happy to see me. My biggest fear is that being away from her for eight hours a day will make her forget me, or she will bond to someone else. I’m realizing that’s absurd now. We have a deep bond that now one can replace. At the end of the day it’s my love and comfort that makes her sleep peacefully through the night.

I’ve been very blessed with her demeanor. She sleeps through the night, she’s not terrible about change, and well, she is adorable. I’m trying to work on the big step of transitioning her to her crib. My goal is by six months to have her sleeping in her own room. I’m truly taking baby steps to do it because I’m not 100% ready either. I also am trying to wean her off the Rock N’ Play because she’s getting pretty big for it already.  I’ve been setting a blanket on the ground and having her do her thing. She’s pretty content watching her Dad play video games, or watching Disney movies. I just know in a month or so that’s all going to change. She’s going to be into everything and I’m going to be ripping my hair out.

Mom guilt makes me feel bad saying this, but I really don’t want her to grow out of this stage. She’s so sweet and easy to manage, but knowing she can do so much more soon also has me eager for that. Either way, I probably won’t be able to write for another two weeks! I’m sure she will change a bunch in that time too. Who knows….maybe she might start crawling….

Iris twelve weeks: October 8th, 2017.

 

 

 

 

Week 10

My baby is in the double digits and I only have a week left at home with her! It’s been a doozy of a week for me personally, but Iris has been rather chill. If anything she’s become a professional raspberrier, and she still despises tummy time.

“You’re torturing me please stooooop!”

Naturally, I am worried about her lack of tummy time because I feel like she won’t crawl because she never wants to be in this position. Thankfully it feels like today I had some progress with her. I’ve gotten a few ten minute stretches in a row where she was pretty entertained by the mirror. I feel like a terrible mother saying this, but I feel like there will be a lot more progress with this once she goes to daycare. It breaks my heart to hear her cry and I think part of her learning is letting her struggle a bit. Maybe I’m wrong, but either way I’ll keep trying and hope she starts to enjoy it.

Thankfully her interest in toys has grown quite a bit. She is now able to grab toys and feel them. She hasn’t been shaking her rattle or anything, but she holds onto it. This kind of helps getting her places because she will look at her feet/hands for entertainment, or a toy. It’s also super fun because I feel like I can officially play with her! Before she was a slug now she’s like a caterpillar.

I even added the rubber duck into the bath with her, and she was fairly entertained.

She had her two month appointment this week and I was surprised to hear that she is only 12lbs 5oz and 24 inches. She’s very tall there’s no denying that, but I could of sworn she was heavier she certainly feels like it. Her doctor said she’s “beautifully healthy” which is cool. She also got her shots which she handled fairly well. Even afterwards there was no signs of her being sick though we gave her a bit of children’s Tylenol just in case. The doctor recommended just 1.25 mL right after the shots. Either way I am proud of her for being a champ.

So, the biggest part of my week involved my mental health. My stress levels have been sky high and I found myself super down about the breast milk issue. I discussed this with her pediatrician and she recommended I go see my OB. My OB is honestly not the kindest dude so I didn’t feel comfortable discussing my feelings with him so the office paired me with a nurse practitioner. I’ve also never gotten an appointment so fast as I did when I mentioned being worried about postpartum depression. I discussed with her the fact that my supply dropped and I’ve been working hard to bring back a semblance of a supply, but mentioned I felt sad as a result.

The other thing lingering on my mind that is bringing me down is returning to work. I just don’t feel mentally ready for it yet, but I know I need to. She said she was glad I came in when I did because if I didn’t and I continued feeling like this when I returned to work it may have been worse. I was prescribed 25mg of Zoloft and Reglan. Reglan is for the breastmilk production it’s a muscle relaxer that increases prolactin which helps with production. It was also recommended I try Fenugreek as a supplement to the Reglan to help boost as much as possible.

I take both Reglan and Fenugreek four times daily, drink a shit ton of water/coconut water, and drink oatmeal stoudt as well as eat oatmeal. My production looked like this:

I realize this is a much larger container than the next image, but this was about 5 mL.

Now at the end of the week it looks like this:

Success!

It’s nothing compared to what I pumped before, but it’s progress. I’d be happy to feed her 3-4oz per day with her bedtime bottle. It’s been a rough week, but I am so happy to see progress! We’ll see if it increases anymore, but I’m not getting my hopes up because once I return to work it’ll probably dip to where it is now anyways.

As for the Zoloft I feel like I don’t feel as terrible, but that could be the result of a bunch of things. Time will tell. I will say I am a bit worried about potentially being pregnant with #2. I have some dark brown bleeding that started on Friday and symptoms that identical to when I found out I was pregnant before. As happy as I would be to have another I am in no way prepared for that. So, to say it’s been a “heavy” week would be an understatement.

Iris Week 10: September 24th, 2017.

Week 9

The transition between vacation and real life has actually been pretty difficult. Iris came back and stopped sleeping through the night once again. She went from being extremely independent last week to wanting to be soothed and held constantly.

Despite being exhausted I’m really enjoying this bonding time.

Every night has varied quite a bit, but I’d say on average she wakes up twice a night. Thankfully my dude has become a lot more supportive at night because he knows we soon both return to work. Day time naps have also been varied. Some days she will nap constantly and others she doesn’t nap more than 5-10 minutes at a time. I’ll no longer expect her to be “on a routine”. I shouldn’t have in the first place because she’s way too young.

Trying the relactate has been depressing. I have to pump every 2-3 hours for 10-15 minutes and barely anything comes out. It feels like a lost cause at this point, but so many people swear they relactate after far longer periods of time.

This is the product of a 20 minute pump session. I used to produce 3-5oz each in this time frame multiple times a day.

I’ve spent most of my time attached to the pump and trying to nurse her. They say the baby is the best was to get the milk flowing, but my problem is she gets so angry about no milk. I have to time it to when she isn’t too hungry and is willing to use me as a pacifier, but that’s no simple task. Today I am stockpiling on water and oatmeal to see if that helps at all. My breasts feel a little bit fuller, but still not much is coming out.

Excuse my tan lines, but yeah, this is life right now.

I can definitely see the mental effects of not being able to produce breastmilk hitting me hard. Studies show that breastfeeding helps prevent postpartum depression not 100% of course, but it helps. In my case I believe it definitely did because now I find myself breaking down multiple times a day especially over the cost of formula. I don’t think I’ve ever been so emotional in my life. I’m scheduling an appointment with my OB to discuss this because I know they can prescribe medicine to help me relactate, but even that’s not guaranteed. Either way I think it’s a good idea just incase I am having signs of PPD.

The other thing really bringing me down is my return to work. I officially have two weeks left on my leave, and I really don’t want to go back especially because I know that’s going make relactating even more difficult. I’ve mentioned it before but knowing I may miss some of her first milestones because she is at daycare breaks my heart. Financially it’s just not realistic to go back, but at the same time I feel like my entire paycheck per week will be going strictly to daycare. The only way I could justify returning to work is if I made at least double what I make now otherwise we survive just fine with what we have. It’s something we’ve discussed in the past few days, but I’m not sure either one of us truly knows what to do.

To help cope with stress and anxiety I did a deep clean on the house. It absolutely needed it too because our animals went wild while we were away, and the person who was watched them wasn’t tasked with keeping the house clean. I’m starting to get anxious about all of the animal fur around the house since I feel like she might start crawling soon. I’ve also just been thirsty for order in my life because I feel like recently it’s been a little too crazy for me. I used to say that the state of my mind is like the state of my bedroom floor. Keeping it clean helps me stay focused and on schedule. I always digress though.

Since I like throwing suggestions to other mothers out there I wanted to take this chance to suggest this grass drying rack thingie. If I didn’t have this entire setup pictured below I am pretty sure I would have lost every crucial piece to my pump and her bottles.

Another discovery I made when I was in Hawaii that I forgot to mention last week is how great Target Brand diapers are. They work just the same as Pampers, but for a fraction of the price. I mostly like them because they have that line that lets you know if they wet the diaper or not. So if you are looking to stock up on diapers and wipes go for the Target Brand for real!

Sorry to be such a bummer. All in all things aren’t terrible actually Iris has been progressing so much socially. I’ve been trying to teach her to blow raspberries and she’s definitely trying it now. It’s absolutely precious. She also LOVES listening to “Wheels on the Bus” so thank heavens Youtube has like 2 million different renditions of that song.

She really likes to sit up, but still despises tummy time.

OH and she’s finally moved on from the Rock N’ Play at night! My babe finally sleeps in her bassinet! She also has been napping in the crib a ton which is amazing!

I think what helped was buying the SwaddleUp which allows her access to her hands, but prevents the startle reflex from waking her up. It also gives her tons of room in the legs to move around so I don’t have to worry about hip dysplasia.!

Hopefully next week I can tell you all about my success with relactation. Right now things look bleak, but I am trying to stay determined. Her sweet little face truly helps pull me through it all.

Iris. 9 weeks: September 18th, 2017.